That Floating Excrement Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the TV offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this love/hate spin-off? Burdened with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (we demand better for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. Briefly, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet full of poo was simply too symbolic. Yet, fans undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – danced around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the smallest of this drama's problems. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon no-star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The hilariously leaden writing? The tedious veneration of affluence and materialism? The almost deliberate parade of cliches? Performances so poor they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Given the restraining orders, domestic violence allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which chuckled along at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this show might induce should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but dismissive narcissist.
The Supercomputer Drama
Naturally we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other issues. Mainly that it was just profoundly dull; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of certain ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s almost easy to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle magazine animated; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, sentimental sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a well-known personality overseeing her estate. What more could you want? As contestants battled it out, there was plenty of backstabbing and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to explain what precisely was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a production that was trying way too hard to live up to something way beyond it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was enormous for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who arrives in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, embodying Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity friends involved felt icky.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a single joke milked to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply inspired the idea that they should probably have remained in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right voice, lumbering from strangely breezy, somewhat stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We admire the star … but did we buy him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This hagiography followed the online personality notorious for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
